So last night I put on my glad rags and joined a select party of girlies to celebrate Birthday girl reaching 56...well actually it was even lower than 26 but what the hell, shes still young and as far as i am concerned, fair game to torment the hell out of..lol!! Oh maybe she will read that so I should probably should delete it....BUT I did type my Blog address in wrong so technically no one will ever read anything anyway! Fortunately Beardy son rang this morning from the otherside of the planet and pointed out the Blog address was not what i told him....that's why he is a teacher i guess, proving that the saying 'THOSE WHO CAN'T.......TEACH' is wrong lol! Hubby thinks that's funny. I've told him I'm the funny one he's my straight man.
Where was I? Ah yes Birthday girls night out...well we went to the local Italian and enjoyed wine and food and desserts, converstaion about who's top looked nice,how tallest persons new shoes were difficult to walk in etc Then we unanimously laughed at the giant blue handbag that
she had brought with her. The quip that it looked like it contained the entire contents of her till drew laughter (especially as she is a BOOKIE) but not as much as when she said she only brought it as it matched her blue tights....
Leaving the Italian after 20 mins of all disputing if we had to pay VAT on top of the Bill or if it was already included (despite the fact we all work in retail and handle money all day ) we made our way past at least four pubs -quite a walk considering I live in a town that is mainly pubs every three staggers-It works Health & Safety wise as when everyone is staggering drunkenly out of one pub, just as their legs start to give out causing a slight swerve to the left or right, they are in another pub and at the bar. This stops people lying in the street and confines brawling and vomiting to the confines of pub toilets and smoking areas.
The main reason for this huge trek was because Birthday Girl had lost her mobile. It was evetually retrieved from the back seat of the car and we made our way into Cutlery -the main watering hole for 17yr olds. they sell cheap booze masquerading as good stuff in good stuff bottles...You drink it but it's a bit like the over use of botox- you marry them and 6 months later their face is 6 inches lower than it was and there's ridge so deep on their forehead it looks like they can screw the top of their head off.
Entering, I scan the bar and see that the two male members of staff that definately owe me a few vodkas for keeping their jobs are not there, so unable to collect I join the others at the bar. Unlike usual nights, a Wednesday in Cutlery means you can actually get to the bar and even get served without a. Being male b. Being blonde with your boobs out. I asked Blue legs -soon to be called Super sleuth Wursty and Birthday girl what they wanted to drink. Super sleuth joined me in a vodka ,Wursty ordered a coffee as she was driving and Birthday girl ordered a hot chocolate with swirled cream on the top...........
There is something ODD even WRONG about drinking that on your Birthday when you are under 85. Super sleuth pointed this out. Wursty leapt to Birthday girls defence so I quickly improvised by trying to push Birthday girls nose in the cream. Failing miserably we sat down on some low leather sofas and chatted about mobile phones, mainly because birthday girl was trying very hard to take her usual vile pic of me, at which she is pretty good at....The evidence is all the ones shes uploaded of me on many occassions! It takes talent to get a triple chin and drunk angle on someone who isn't drunk and doesn't have a chin to speak of.
Conversation turned to text messages and then SPYING on boyfriends by reading their texts... Dangerous ground girlies! I sounded nerdy by saying that Banksy did a poem about that- Something all romantic about his love for a girl then he wakes up and she is sat on his bed with his mobile, silently scrolling through his text messages!
Super sleuth went on to tell us of how she doesn't trust anyone so therefore it was justifyed! It was so funny but I admired her shocking honesty. I realised that she had the making of a a great Private Detective as the conversation continued as she told us she was annoyed that a friend wouldn't let her nose through her mobile texts! What has she got to hide she asked! I suggested that maybe she was going out with another mates dad or something equally scandalous -sadly I fear this has only ignited her super sleuthing and addiction of nosing at any passing mobiles in or out of pockets! She really should start her own Detective Agency!
Of course for those of us with nothing to hide she said it shouldn't be a worry........Hey isn't that what the Gov tells us when it comes to introducing ID cards????? lol
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